Gay and Saved
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PART TWO: CONTINUING THE JOURNEY

This life long journey has led me to to understand one very simple, yet very profound fact: "God created all things, and especially us humans, for the purpose of worshiping Him and reflecting His eternal glory and power." This simple phrase is sufficient to explain everything that you see in God's universe; every object ever created or will ever be created; every act done by God in the past present or future; and every creature ever created in the universe including you and me. I believe it is 100% consistent with everything that God has done as documented in His Word, His Message to us, the Holy Bible. When I first realized this it seemed way too simplistic to me to be anything even close to realistic. But the more I examined it and the more I looked in the Holy Bible for wisdom and insight, the more it seemed to be realistic, logical and true. It also explained the purpose for which God created me. But I still had issues with my homosexuality.

Some people might cringe when I say that God is worthy of all glory by every creature in the universe. I mean, even the molecules glorify God in their own way, although they don't really have too much choice in that, unlike us free-will humans. Now it is clear that we human beings generally do not like people who seek glory for themselves. They are often self-centered egotists who think only of themselves and never would think of doing anything for anyone else unless it makes them look good and fits in their self-centered universe. I don't know a single person who really likes such a person. So naturally when I say that there is someone who seeks glory for Himself, people naturally assume the worst. And it turns out that negative assumption is sadly made even if that Person is God Himself.

"How dare God seek His own glory," some have actually complained, not fully realizing who it is they are really talking about.

"I don't want to worship or glorify a God who is so stuck on Himself," others might retort, thus giving God the same attributes and disdain that they'd give to a totally selfish and self-centered human being. However, those people are making the huge mistake of putting God into the same category they'd put a co-worker or someone else they know. This is an absolutely HUGE mistake, made by many out of ignorance, apathy, or just plain laziness to learn and apply the truth.

The purpose of this web site is to explore my homosexuality and my relationship to God and Jesus Christ. That is not as easy as it looks, for it can be a very complex system of thoughts and processes. I will also try and explain why I am staking my very soul and eternity on the belief that when my body finally reaches room temperature, that soul that God made for me will be transported into His holy presence--forever.

I have talked a lot about God's deserving of glory, which is true, and now drives my life. However, I don't want to overlook or misdirect anyone from the fact that God's love of us is not to be discounted in our relationship with Him. What I mean is that God is deserving of glory because after all that is why He made you and me. To glorify Him. Ok, I get that. But here's a kicker: God also loves you and me deeply and completely in ways that we truly cannot fully fathom due to our human sin nature. That truly is a bonus that I find amazing and wonderful! But sometimes Satan tells me it is not true, and even though he is the master liar, I get weak and actually believe him when he tells me God is not worthy of my love. But then eventually I realize it is a lie, and come back into the truth of Who God is.

God has, if you will, sweetened the deal of us worshiping Him because He really loves us. I know that I sometimes don't fully comprehend or understand that, and that frustrates me as I'm sure it does others as well. But I do know that He loves me, as a creature He formed out of dust, and that makes loving Him and worshiping Him that much more logical. That is because as a failed human being, is it far easier for me to honor, glorify and worship a God who loves me dearly than it would be to love and worship a God who hated me.

God loves you and me, and wants us to feel that love. Sometimes in this life that can be a challenge due to our sinful nature and tendency to listen to Satan's lies. It helps me put things in perspective when I recall the fact that Jesus Christ, God made man, came to Earth to live among us and teach us first hand how to live. I also remember that this Jesus did not just hop in His limo and head back up to Heaven after a month-long seminar at the Jerusalem Convention Center. No, He did the unthinkable, He went to the cross and paid 100% of the penalty for my sins, all of them. And He did this because He really loves you and me, and it was He and His Father who first loved each one of us before the foundation of the Earth. Love can do strange things like that. However, as Paul of Tarsus put it, I doubt any of us would go to the cross for another's sins, no matter how worthy they were. But Jesus did exactly that, and we were anything but worthy of His payment for our sins.

The reason that Christ's payment for our sins is so important is because in Heaven there can be no sin. No one who sins can enter Heaven, which is why Satan was kicked out on his butt when he rebelled against God. But since Christ paid the fine for my sins, they are washed away, cleaned off the record books, and I am now eligible to enter Heaven due only to His payment for the sins that would be impossible for me to make restitution for. However, I must lay claim to that payment made by Christ on my behalf in order for the sins to be wiped from the record books. It's not automatic.

So I worship God because 1) He loves me whom He created, 2) He made me for the purpose of glorifying Him with my life, and 3) He sent His only-begotten Son, Jesus Christ, to make satisfactory restitution as only a perfect lamb could, for my sins. It would be logical for me to function for the purpose for which I was created would it not? But also, since He loves me and His Son paid the price for my sins, it makes worshiping Him much more logical and rational.

God gave me eyes to see His amazing creation, to sit out on a starry night and look at the billions and billions of stars, galaxies, and that vast canvas upon which He has painted the most amazing of universes!! He gave me ears to hear the beauty of music, the sound of the wind gently blowing in the trees as I gaze up at His infinite universe, and to understand that in silence, I can hear the soft, quiet whispers of the Holy Spirit as He ministers to me. God gave me the sense of smell, so that I can enjoy not only the delicate beauty of a rose, but enjoy the wonderful fragrance of it as well.

All of my senses have been lovingly installed by God so that I can use them to glorify Him, and appreciate the fact that He has given these wonderful gifts to me so that I can both glorify Him and enjoy the things he has created to keep me alive and well because of His love for me. And He gave me a brain that has the ability to grasp, in its own small way, the unfathomable thought that the Son of God went to the cross for my sins, an act of love I honestly have trouble comprehending, while I do accept it with thanks and gratitude.

HOMOSEXUALITY AS PUNISHMENT?

For all my life I saw my homosexuality as a punishment for something. It dogged me like a bad disease, and I was very resentful toward God for allowing me to have to deal with it. I wanted to be heterosexual, and have a life like so many other heterosexuals which involves a spouse, children, a home in the suburbs with a nice lawn, good job, and 3.2 children. I thought that not having that would make it impossible for me to be happy. I did not have it, so naturally, I was not happy! For much of my adult life I struggled along, just waiting for death to end (what I thought was) my miserable existence.

I was homosexual, and hated that, hated myself, hated the whole world, and was not happy with God at all. Yes, I did acknowledge Him, and even talked to Him, and even tried to worship Him, but deep down, was completely and totally resentful toward Him. I also had a huge rebellious streak in me that made it very difficult to come to God with any level of humility. What a weird and unhappy irony to try and worship a God that you blame for all your ills! Pretty much needless to say, it was not getting me anywhere, because my brain realized the incongruity of that paradox of trying to worship and glorify a God that one cannot really love because of what turned out to be deep-seated resentment.

I have to admit that I had no idea what it really meant to glorify God. Glorifying God was just a phrase to me and virtually nothing more. I was miserable and waited for death, all the time hoping that God would have mercy on me and NOT send me directly to Hell when I died, but rather have pity on this miserable specimen of a human.

After all, I did on some level sort of understand early on a little that Jesus Christ did come and die for everyone's sins, including mine--although I did not really know why. I was sincerely hoping that would keep me out of Hell. So I feared God, but really did not truly and deeply love Him mainly because He refused to either "cure" my homosexuality or give me the object of my dreams. That object would be my handsome knight in shining armor to come and rescue me and help me "live happily ever after" because I was getting everything I wanted. I was a complete and total mess. Just existing. Not thriving, and certainly not able to share much with others who were homosexual. I essentially was going through the motions, but did not have any real emotional justification to love God.

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