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THREE: LIVING AS A HOMOSEXUAL TODAY
Thanks to some spiritual maturity that I have been able to get from God, I have over the years come to discover that my homosexuality is not a punishment from Him but rather a challenge to live a life for God even when it is very difficult to do so. It certainly would have been possible for God to prevent me from experiencing a life of homosexuality but I'm beginning to understand that perhaps in His infinite wisdom He felt that I could give Him far more glory as a homosexual who meets and exceeds the challenges that are handed to him than one who would be straight and live a pretty typical vanilla life in the suburbs. In my own life God has revealed to me some of why I have faced what I have faced. I believe He has done this because He knew I would have great difficulty in sharing the information that I have without knowing personally something about where I have been and why I have been there.
Also, Paul, in his epistles, wrote a lot about pain. Paul was no stranger to pain. He also was no stranger to sin, especially earlier in his life before he came to know and embrace Jesus Christ. So if you, like me, ever have to deal with either emotional or physical pain, or sometimes hate the fact that you are a sinner, you are not alone. I highly recommend you read what Paul wrote, and you, like me, will say, “Hey, I can relate to that!”
I don't think our lives are randomly chosen by God, I do think there
is a certain amount of perceived randomness in who God decides will
get what talents, what challenges, and where one will be born, and
who will be one's parents as well as many other seeming random facts
about each life. I say it is perceived randomness because that is how
it appears to you and me. However that is because we cannot possibly
understand God's big picture, that huge canvas of unimaginable size
that He is painting upon with each of our individual lives and how
they all fit together in His amazing structure. To you and me it
would appear similar to God dealing a hand of cards to each
individual when his or her soul is created by God. This deck of cards
that each of us is dealt is different for every single one of us--no
two individuals ever before created or ever after created has the
exact same deck of cards dealt by God. To each of us this would seem
to be a very random event, but in reality God knows exactly what He
is doing even though we cannot possibly really understand nearly any
of it. That is due to our infinitely small minds and our sin nature
that causes us to be rebellious against God and ignorant of His ways.
So to you and me we are dealt this hand of what seems like random
cards and this may help define the talents that we have been given by
God. I'm talking about talents such as music ability, mathematical
ability, ability to learn and use languages, ability to deal
effectively with other humans, just to name a few.
time, I came to understand that regardless whatever hand of cards
that I was dealt when I was born and in my childhood, that my goal in
life must be, shall be, and can only be to glorify God. That is the
only logical response to a all-powerful God who created me and truly
and deeply loves me. I never realized this when I was growing up as a
teenager, or as a young adult, or even years beyond that. And because
of that ignorance of God's revelation about His love and my need to
glorify Him, my life was much less than what it could have been and
should have been in the realm of serving God and being available for
His plans for my life. God's revelation to me explained that I cannot
use homosexuality as an excuse to reject God, to rebel against God,
or to feel sorry for myself. That deck of cards that I have been
dealt is one that I'm thinking that God knew I could handle. It would
not be easy, because life is seldom easy for any homosexual, no
matter his or her spiritual situation or upbringing. But I could deal
deck of cards I was dealt, and still manage to glorify God even
though there would be much pain and torment in my life, especially in
my teenage years.
When I finally accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, deep down I was convicted by the Holy Spirit that the life I needed to live was one that did not include a promiscuous homosexual lifestyle. Because I had tried that life earlier on and found it to be empty, disappointing and degrading, and was actually fueling my tendency toward suicide, that decision was not too hard for me. I live a somewhat subdued life now, and actually find it more fulfilling because of the blessings I often receive from the Holy Spirit in striving to honor and glorify God alone.
When I was younger, I asked many times for God to "cure my homosexuality," to what seems to be no avail. I now understand a little better why maybe I was not "cured" of my homosexuality. That is because I now better understand that God can get a lot more glory in me living a life pleasing to Him in spite of my homosexuality than if He came into my life and removed those “homosexuality” cards that I had been dealt that allowed homosexuality to be a part of my life. God could certainly turn me into a straight robot should He desire, but where would be any glory for Him in that? How would His love of me be manifest if God merely turned me into an robot who had no free will? Ironically, neither I nor God would enjoy it if I became a robot. So on that God and I agree. Even if the result is more complicated, more challenging, and more painful than if I was just a robot at the beck and call of God.BACK TO INDEX GO TO PART     NEXT
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